“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.”
― Hermann Hesse, Demian
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“There are two kinds of people I can’t stand,” says Michael Caine’s character in the epically low comedy Goldmember, “those who are intolerant of other cultures, and the Dutch.” I love this line, not because it slams the Dutch (for whom I feel great admiration) but because it slams hypocrisy—specifically, the baffling double standards of people who condemn in others the very offenses they themselves are committing. My fellow life coach Sharon Lamm calls this the “you spot it, you got it” syndrome. In other words, whatever we criticize most harshly in others may be a hallmark of our own psyche; what I hate most in you may actually be what I hate most in me.
This style of thinking is so illogical, you’d think it would be rare. Because of the peculiarities of human psychology, though, it’s actually more the rule than the exception. Understanding the “you spot it, you got it” phenomenon requires some focused thinking, but the effort will bring more peace and sanity to your relationships and your inner life.
It is perhaps one of the reasons why I so often do listen to criticisms, not simply my own of others but the criticisms of others unto me. First I have to dig deep to see if that is truly the truth. If so then I try to face it, accept it and understand it is not one of my strengths however there is a second part. Sometimes the criticisms are not at all about me. . . and depending upon who they come from often affects how I will feel about the criticism. If the criticism was not true over and over again I found that Karma kicks in sooner or later and the very things that were said are revealed from the others nature and actions.
When the criticisms are true I pray upon them, I ask God to help me change what is going on within me that causes me to continue to do this, be this way. Without fail he delivers.
I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong.
Leo Rosten
Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Martha-Beck-You-Spot-It-Youve-Got-It#ixzz2OpZOQ0mY
From life experience to academic studies, over and over again I have found this truth. It is not easy to accept at times for that means those traits I so dislike in another are the very traits I see within myself. I understand now more than ever though how it truly does not bother me when it truly is not a part of who I am.
And in like terms . . . . how can I expect another to behave in any other fashion than that which I treat them. I sat and watched over the last few days how different folks treated other folks and it invariably spoke of the attitudes and beliefs that they held of the other people. The sad part about it was that as they projected their attitude onto the other I could visibly see the change in behavior and attitude in the one’s being projected upon. The expectations we set forth of how another will be invariably bounces back to us confirming just that which we believe to be. It is also invariable that this same action of our beliefs that reflect most often what we do not like within ourselves but believe to be so about ourselves.
Self fulfilling prophecy, the “Bloomer” study on how children bloom in the classroom – they all lead to one basic tenant. The way in which we treat others will make them act and react in a manner that is consistent with what we project out there.
If you treat another as they are untrustworthy they will be untrustworthy. If I believe my son will never graduate school, if I believe he will never make anything of himself that is what will become. It is rather simple, if you believe in the best in people you will invariably see the best in them. . . . but believe in the worst in people and that is what you will get. Just a thought for the day as the ladies placed the word of the day on the board. . . . .
Forgiveness
In the end it speaks of how very important forgiving the flaws within ourselves is. Forgiveness does not begin outside of oneself, it begins within oneself and moves outward. Forgive folks for not being perfect, forgive yourself for not being perfect for it is only then that one may see the true perfection that lay in front of oneself.
